p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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