i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
