I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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