I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
