Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Never underestimate the power of titties
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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