Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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