I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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