I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
