just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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