How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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