"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
