why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
