Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
