The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
