i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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