You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
BRING THE BAGELS
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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