Your dad touched me again.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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