I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
