Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
