You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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