Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
