The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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