dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
