$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
