her facebook's as public as her vagina
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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