im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
