4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
