happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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