You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
