How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
