you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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