Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
