i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
