is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
