K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
