I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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