Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I cut my penus on the lid.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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