its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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