We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
