its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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