how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
