tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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