from now on my penis is your penis
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
