I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
