I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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