I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
