It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
