I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
