not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
