i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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