It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
