On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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