Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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