He had one of those small greek statue penises
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
