I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
