then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
