saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
