i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Randomize
