I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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