Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize